Francisco (not his real name) is a young man from El Salvador. He grew up in a large, religious family where his parents were uneducated and had to struggle through a difficult civil war.

Francisco came to the United States when he was 14 to join his older brother. Francisco had been a strong college-bound student in El Salvador, but when he came here he knew no English and had no money. He was very lonely without his parents and turned to other adults for guidance. He was sexually abused by a man who wanted to mentor him. Francisco never received any counseling to deal with the abuse, and he never told anyone.

To support himself and to send money to his parents, he found work and enrolled in high school. He soon became proficient in English and was able to earn two scholarships to college. While in college Francisco met Flora who was ten years older than himself and had a 1 year old child, Tom. He became very involved in parenting Tom who called him “Papa Francisco”. The relationship was turbulent from the start. Francisco and Flora would yell at each other; she was very jealous, and he had no model of a happy relationship. Francisco‘s life became harder when he took on a second job and Flora wanted more time with Francisco. Flora had her own challenges. She was going through a difficult divorce and she was very unhappy in her job. The stress on both Flora and Francisco resulted in many arguments. On one particularly bad occasion, Flora taunted Francisco and called him a loser. She tried to push him to fight with her physically and verbally. Flora and Francisco broke up and reunited three times.

After the last time they broke up, Flora learned she was pregnant and decided she would have an abortion. Francisco pleaded with her to have the child and said he would be responsible in every way. They got back together during the pregnancy but they often argued. One time, Francisco felt Flora was out of control. He grabbed her hands and held them, but let go when she asked him to stop. After that incident Francisco went through another crisis -- supporting his mother emotionally and financially through a medical emergency. He was also preparing everything for the new-born in his apartment where they were planning to live together. Flora left him and did not call him again until after she gave birth.

Francisco came to the Parents Helping Parents group for the first time when his baby was just three weeks old. He had seen a flyer for the group at the courthouse where he went to establish paternity. He said he wanted to learn to be a good parent from the very start.

He talked about his love for his young daughter. He tried to visit her each week, but Flora limited his visits. He talked about growing up lonely and how he wants to be different for his daughter. He shared with the group the incident about grabbing Flora’s hands, but he did not understand why she called him violent and sought help from a domestic violence support group.

Francisco recently disclosed his history of sexual abuse to the group and shared his pain about it. The group has helped Francisco to understand his behavior and encouraged him to get individual counseling to manage his anger and understand his behavior. He said the group was the first public place he was able to express his feelings and feel like he was understood.

Francisco attends the group each week offering support and meaningful insight to others while he continues to grow as a parent.