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PARENT STORIES
Mary Ann's Story
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"My son calls my PHP group 'People Helping People.'
We don't always have to have a psychologist or therapist to
put things in perspective, we just need other human beings who
have been there."
Mary Ann grew up in Dorchester, the eleventh
child in a large, tight-knit Italian family. Her mother, a shepherd
girl in Italy, had never gone to church or school; her father
left school after the third grade and worked as a laborer. Mary
Ann was cared for by her older brothers and sisters and ingrained
with the work ethic and morals of the older generation. "I still
feel like the baby. I'm fifty-eight, but I still think of myself
as very young and inexperienced. I want to do my best, but I'm
extremely indecisive and always worrying and frightened that
I'll make a mistake."
After high school, Mary Ann joined a religious
order but never felt it was quite right for her. Her family
supported her decision to leave the order so Mary Ann moved
back to Dorchester. She obtained a job as a clerk in a large
law firm, receiving extensive training and experience in electronic
word processing. As luck would have it, Mary Ann found her niche
in this field and remained with the firm for thirteen years.
Mary Ann assumed she would remain single, faithful to her family
caregiving responsibilities. However, when she was introduced
to Michael by an old high school friend, they hit it off. "He
met my three criteria - he was Catholic, had nothing to do with
alcoholism, and he wanted to have children." But becoming parents
was not easy for Mary Ann and Michael. Fertility was a problem,
and some adoption agencies would not accept them because of
their age. Finally, Catholic Charities presented them with a
two-month-old boy, Joseph. Mary Ann immediately left her job
and enjoyed Joseph's infancy and toddler years to the fullest:
"He was a good eater and sleeper. He was active, charming and
- of course - brilliant."
It was not until Joseph was in fourth
grade that problems arose. He had difficulty socializing with
the other children and didn't know how to stay out of the way
of the bullies. By this time, Mary Ann had gone back to work
as a teacher's aide at the same school, and if she tried to
step in - speaking to the bullies on the playground, for example
- they always seemed to take it out on Joseph later on. If he
tried to fight back, he'd get in trouble with the teachers.
While all this was going on with Joseph, many of Mary Ann's elderly
relatives also needed her care. It was a time of great stress.
"I was very tired at the end of the day, and frustrated with
Joseph's problems. He'd start crying and I'd yell. I'd blame
him. I'd blame myself. Every time he'd open his mouth, I'd pounce
on him." Mary Ann saw a tiny ad for PHP and started attending
group meetings. At first, she was the only member of the group.
Roberta, the facilitator, just listened. "Roberta had been through
so much herself - I knew she understood what I was going through."
Soon other members joined the group and helped Mary Ann put
her problems in perspective and realize how much she had been
over-reacting. "For example, all of a sudden Joseph wanted to
save up and get a motorcycle and I was frantic - 'That's ridiculous!
That's dangerous!' Roberta and the group helped me see that
this was a non-issue - what was Joseph - an eleven year old
- going to do? What was I worrying about?" The group also helped
Mary Ann to see how some simple changes in her life could help.
She soon stopped working at Joseph's school and rearranged her
schedule so that both Joseph and she had a cooling down period
at the end of the day.
"My problems had taken on a life of their
own. I used to beat myself up - why did I have such problems
when I only had one child? But when I expressed them to others
in the group, it was already a load off my shoulders. I realized
I had lots of worries because of my extended family, and I had
to stop judging myself so harshly."
"When I stopped judging
myself, I stopped judging others. Every family has its own values.
Every person does something that's worthy of encouragement.
My experiences, for example, helped a man in the group who expected
his five year old to act like a ten year old. I'm often able
to help others in the group, now, but I also know that they'll
want me to talk honestly about what's going on with me. I don't
want to be a hypocrite. We need the framework of the group,
we need Roberta to be our facilitator. But mostly we need each
other, listening and encouraging. We just need other human beings
who have been there, to help us look forward with a positive
spirit."
In closing, Mary Ann asked to share a favorite quotation
with PHP: "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties
today of its strength."
Joanne's
Story
Joanne grew up in a strict Irish Catholic family,
the second of four children and the oldest girl. Her father,
a police officer, was usually away at work or out drinking,
and her mother was the negative, critical force to be reckoned
with at home. Joanne and her siblings never questioned their
parents' authority or stepped out of line and Joanne, as the
oldest girl, resented the fact that she was the one who always
had to take care of the house, do the laundry, and look after
the younger kids. But this was the way it was, not only in Joanne's
house, but up and down the street and Joanne didn't see anything
unusual about the circumstances of her growing up.
In high school,
Joanne began to rebel and turned into an unhappy, angry teenager
who tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. At the
same time, she kept on looking and hoping for approval from
her mother and father and never felt she was good enough.
This
tension between wanting to show that she could manage on her
own, without help, while at the same time yearning for approval,
continued after high school. "I went straight to work and was
determined, no matter what, that I wouldn't ask my parents for
help. It would have been nice to hear, just once, 'look at Joanne,
she's so organized,' but they'd always be critical and nit-pick
and I'd feel guilty as usual. But then, what did I do? I chose
a hobby - cars and mechanical things - that I loved but knew
was unacceptable to my mother!"
Joanne found a clerical job
at a large bank, continued to live at home, and worked her way
steadily up in the firm. She had several boyfriends, some
nice and some "turbulent." "I never really liked the nice ones,
the ones who never got in trouble, the ones who didn't appreciate
the drama in life."
She had common interests with the man who
became her first husband, but the marriage only lasted a year.
The young couple moved to the Cape. Joanne couldn't find a job
and they were isolated and miserable. Ending the marriage was
a mutual decision and Joanne moved back home. "Telling my mother
was the hardest part - I knew she thought people wouldn't approve
of a divorce, I knew she'd have a fit - and she did. I vowed
I wouldn't show that I was upset at her reaction."
Joanne was
always a very reliable worker and soon found a new job. She
also met a man who, like herself, was recently divorced after
a short marriage and they hit it off. Joanne and Mike were both
very practical about everything they did, and, best of all, Mike
had a very positive attitude about life and about other people.
They both wanted children and started a family right away. After
her daughter Loren was born, Joanne discovered a wonderful new
friend and ally - her father-in-law. "Mike's father came everyday to help me take care of the baby. He never interfered, he
never judged, he never criticized me - in short, he was wonderful." Less than
a year after baby Loren was born, Joanne learned she was pregnant again.
Shortly after, Mike's father became seriously ill with cancer and died within a few months.
The family was
in crisis. Joanne's second pregnancy was an ordeal. Everyone
was grieving for Mike's father. Mike, a plumber, was always
away, either at work or helping his own mother cope. Joanne's
mother helped out as a baby-sitter, but continued to be critical
of Joanne's parenting style. Baby Katie was born with a reflux
condition, had trouble feeding and was very slow to gain weight.
Joanne developed physical problems related to her delivery.
"Of course, I didn't tell anyone that I needed help!"
Joanne
found out about Parents Helping Parents from a listing in the
back of a handout she received from Blue Cross/Blue Shield when
Katie was born. She called the toll-free number twice before
she got up the courage to attend a meeting. "The big problem
was getting a babysitter because I couldn't tell my mother
where I was going. I knew she'd be critical, I knew she'd think
I was somehow humiliating or disgracing the family. I didn't
want to tell my husband either. The first few meetings I told
him I was going shopping. For me, there really was a stigma
involved in admitting I was going for help."
The Parents Helping
Parents group that Joanne attended was in the start-up stages.
Often, it was just Joanne and the facilitator at the meetings.
That was fine with Joanne, however, who was grateful that she
wouldn't run into anyone she knew. "I just needed to find someone
who would understand what I was drowning from." Jenny, the facilitator,
put a name to Joanne's problem. "She said that maybe I was a
little depressed. She said I needed to take care of myself
and that I wasn't a completely stupid person. Once I could talk
about it and let my screwy sense of humor come back out, I
began to snap out of it." Joanne had never talked so openly
about herself in her life. And the group had another very practical
suggestion that Joanne put right to use - to get early intervention
services for the baby. She'd never known such a resource was
available.
Today, the group is much larger. Many members have
been referred by the Department of Social Services. Joanne has
become the group's parent leader, and is trying to help the
newer members see that there are things they can do to help
themselves and not just react to DSS' pressure. At the same
time, Joanne is getting set to face a new challenge of her own
- caring, full-time, for her brother's two children, aged
three and eight. Their mother moved with her boyfriend to another
state and Joanne's brother has a full-time job as a trucker.
"I thought of the kids and I thought of my brother and I just
didn't want to let them down." Thanks to her group, Joanne has
had confirmation that she is a strong, independent woman. She
has also learned that even the strongest woman can ask for help.
Faye's
Story
"Shy" is the word that comes up most when Faye describes her childhood and early teen years. Faye and her younger brother were raised by their mother on the north side of Brockton, a black family in a white neighborhood. Faye's mother was protective, but also critical. "I always felt there was something wrong with me. I didn't have any talents, I wasn't pretty. I was so shy and self-conscious." In order to find a group of kids she felt she belonged to, twelve-year-old Faye started smoking cigarettes and marijuana and drinking beer. She got even more attention when she hung out with her cousins in Boston. "I was always trying to follow in someone else's footsteps, never being myself, and I came across as if I had a chip on my shoulder. But I knew deep down my heart was good."
Her family moved to Washington, D.C. when she was seventeen and Faye
experienced the big city as unfriendly and cold. "I was still very shy. I talked very quietly and mumbled all the time because I didn't think people really wanted to hear what I had to say." Faye dropped out of school, became a cocktail waitress, and
attracted a long list of boyfriends. She enjoyed the attention-but had no idea how to handle it. "God was with me and I came out of that experience safely. They say God takes care of babies and fools-well, he does. He took care of me!"
After a "wild" period in the Job Corps in West Virginia, Faye returned to Washington, earned her GED (with a grade that was the second highest in the class) and became pregnant. Her relationship with her daughter's father did not survive the pregnancy, in part because Faye felt angry and independent. "I wasn't going to make this guy do anything he didn't want to do."
Faye and her baby daughter, Naté, lived together in Washington where they "loved each other to death." "She loved me through anything, she trusted me, she was my teddy bear." Faye worked regular hours as a waitress, earned good money, found a reliable baby sitter, and paid her bills responsibly-but once again ran into problems with men and with drugs.
Although Faye had not wanted Naté to spend time with her family- "I didn't want them spooking her attitude toward me"-she finally sent Naté home to be cared for by her mother in Brockton. Faye's drug usage and search for a long-term, loving relationship with a man continued. "I knew I was too strung out to take her and she was better off away from me. But I didn't realize the pain I was causing her. By the time she was a teenager she felt I was choosing drugs over her and didn't want anything to do with me."
Faye tried various substance abuse programs over the years, but didn't do well when she had to live with other people-all her old insecurities returned. Eventually she was referred to The New Bedford Prevention Partnership. Faye finally had found a place
It was after Faye was well into her recovery that she joined Parents Helping Parents. She wanted to see if there was anything she could do to bridge the gulf that had opened
between herself and Naté. Faye is very pleased with Naté's growth; she's not as much of a follower and not as insecure as Faye herself was at nineteen. Naté "makes good
decisions, she has been in the same relationship with a great guy for three years-and he treats her so good. It takes the pressure off my guilt."
This pleasure in Naté's development did very little to ease Faye's distress, however, when Naté moved in for a few weeks and then moved out again. And Naté would never return Faye's phone calls. With PHP's support, Faye didn't allow herself to get discouraged. She reminded herself how well her daughter was doing-and she didn't give up. Recently, Naté called-twice in one week!-and Faye starred the week in her calendar.
Even more important than Faye's new, tentative bond with Naté, however, is the
self-acceptance and respect she is experiencing thanks to the support of her recovery
community and PHP. "It's so nice to know they miss me when I'm not there. I get lots of positive feedback, and my experiences are helpful to all the parents of younger children." And Faye has found a place where she can take her turn in exercising her leadership skills. Each week one of the members is the group's time-keeper. And every few weeks, a member nominates himself or herself and is voted in as parent leader. These two parents really run the group. As Faye describes it, the group's facilitator, Bobby Roderiques, provides quiet encouragement, talks about his family-just like anyone else-and makes sure no one puts another member down. "Many of our group's members are involved with DSS. We listen to people, maybe give them a little extra time, but then the timekeeper moves us on. When you come right down to it, no one's problems are more serious than anyone else's. And we don't give advice, not without asking first, 'would you like feedback?'"
In Faye's case, she was able to provide a trusting and loving relationship for her daughter when Naté was very young. This early nurturing, together with the care provided by
others, Naté's own resilience, and Faye's example of never giving up, may be enough to break the cycle of emotional deprivation in Faye's family. Faye herself is finally learning self-acceptance thanks to the quiet and respectful acceptance she has found in PHP.
Janine was a homebody all through her childhood and
beyond. The baby of a family of three children, Janine grew
up on a farm in western Massachusetts. Her mother was the
center of her life. Abused by her husband, Janine's mother
accepted her broken nose and broken jaw as her lot in life.
After her father died, Janine and her family were supported
by AFDC.
Janine hated school, but stuck it out through
the 10th grade. After that, she worked in a succession of
factories and nursing homes, but never moved away from home.
She felt sorry for her mother and never felt free to develop
her own friendships. Janine finally decided to pursue her
GED and started going to night school. One of her classmates
had a son, Edward, whom she began dating and eventually married.
At first Janine loved being married - she finally
had someone she could call her own. Soon, she was thrilled
again with her first pregnancy. She was so excited she started
wearing maternity clothes when she was six weeks along and
began buying baby clothes right away. Three babies were born
in quick succession and Janine found herself overwhelmed
with their care - and furious at her husband.
Edward had worked at a cemetery, but after
he injured his back he turned to casual work and soon the
family relied on disability and AFDC for their support. "Even
though he was at home all day, I was a single mom. He'd stay
in bed till noon, watch TV all day, throw his clothes on the
floor and eat the food I'd saved for the kids."
Following an ultimatum from Janine, Edward
walked out of the house, completely abdicating any responsibility.
Janine's ability to hold her family's world together collapsed.
In the middle of a nervous breakdown, she called a crisis
hotline for help with her children. DSS intervened and placed
her children in foster care.
Her son's placement was uneventful, but her
daughters, aged four and six, were placed with foster parents
who could not have children of their own and who wanted to
adopt the two girls. They began to make false accusations
about Janine, that she would drink and stalk the foster home.
The goal of the service plan changed back and forth - reunification,
adoption, reunification and back to adoption. During this
period, the foster mother had repeated hospitalizations for
mental problems and, as it later turned out, seven supported
incidents of child abuse against Janine's daughters.
During this period, Janine did everything
she could to address DSS' concerns, even moving forty-five
miles away from the foster home so that she could not be accused
of harassing her daughters. And then she was faced with another
blow - her husband was suspected of having sexually abused the
children. Janine had to swear on a Bible that she would not
go back to him.
Thanks to a miracle $.25 bet on a slot machine,
Janine won $2,500 and was able to hire her own attorney. First,
the children were removed to another foster home and then
the goal was once again changed to reunification.
One of the many things DSS insisted on was
that Janine join a parenting group. Even though she was getting
really tired of being told "go there; do that" she went to
the Greenfield PHP group - "as scared as hell." As the weeks
went by, it became easier to talk, even about the very tough
stuff: the suspected sexual abuse, a three-months drinking
binge, and the feelings of just wanting to give up and let
the children go. Not everyone in the group was involved with
DSS, but those that were gave Janine some concrete help. All
this time when her kids were in foster care, no one in her
family said, "Can we help you?" "The group became my family
and kept me going, week to week."
Ultimately, Janine got sole custody of her
children and they returned home. It's been scary but wonderful,
too. The kids are in therapy and they still need to be reassured that "Mom's coming back" when she goes out for a few hours. Now
they go to the children's program connected with the PHP group
and have children with similar problems that they can play
with.
Sally is a smiling, bright-eyed, dark-haired
woman, ready and eager to talk about herself, her family and
her seven years as a member of a Boston-area Parents Helping
Parents group. Sally is the only daughter and youngest child
in her family. Following in her mother's footsteps, she became
a caretaker and absorber of family pressures. When Sally made
her first call for help, she was married, trying to raise
four difficult children, grieving over the recent death of
her mother, and feeling totally alone and overwhelmed. Her
husband, who was struggling with his own anger and depression,
was unable to help her. Her oldest daughter had just been
diagnosed with ADD, and was strong-willed and relentless in
her demands. Her older son expressed his anger by throwing
frequent tantrums. The only way Sally knew of stopping them
was by slapping. During the last year of her mother's life,
Sally was either visiting her in the hospital or caring for
her at home. To make matters worse, her husband's anger was
so great that Sally was afraid to leave her children alone
with him and felt the need to take them with her wherever
she went. Then her mother died and her only source of emotional
support vanished. One day, in desperation, she called Parents
Helping Parents.
Her first call helped her through a crisis
and her second put her in touch with the local group facilitator.
The facilitator met with her and warmly encouraged Sally to
attend meetings. "I shook all through that first meeting,"
Sally remembers. "I'd never been a part of a group before
and I did way too much talking. It was mpossible to stop the
voices in my head that just had to come out." The group challenged
her, demanding that she question her actions and methods.
At first Sally was hurt, angry and defensive, but slowly she
began to realize that the group was right. "In the past, I
would quit things out of fear and never face them and see
them through." Somehow, this time, Sally found the courage
to keep returning to meetings.
The group was different from what Sally had
expected. She came looking for parenting instructions, like
what to do when a child won't go to bed. But instead, "I had
an opportunity to find myself, to learn about where I came
from and what I felt. Most important, I found understanding
and support." There was a common thread in the group. Everyone's
children had some sort of problems - ADD, post traumatic stress
disorder or emotional issues. Sally began to realize that
she wasn't a bad parent, just one in a challenging situation.
"Any parent would have trouble with this situation." As Sally
was able to express her frustrations in the group, the hitting
stopped and the screaming and yelling slowly ceased. She
learned techniques such as "One...Two...Three...Magic" that
helped with discipline.
Sally feels she has changed drastically since
joining her Parents Helping Parents group. She rarely loses
her temper now, though her children can still drive her crazy.
She feels stronger and has been able to confront her husband.
They are now in counseling and her husband is taking anti-depressant
medication which helps him deal with his frustrations and
anger. Sally's hopes are mostly for her children - that they
will be able to overcome their problems, do well in school,
and eventually have happy lives. Her personal hopes involve
having time to help others outside her family. Sally has great
empathy for young mothers and would like to be able to help
them become better parents. For Sally, parenting is the hardest
job anyone will ever have. She's passionate when she talks
about how you need to keep going no matter what; that your
children need you to do the best you can. She also works at
remaining positive: "You have a choice: stay negative and
life is negative; look for the positive and life looks brighter.
Flowers grow better turned toward the light."
Being parents wasn't easy for Karen and Ron.
They both used yelling and hitting as a form of discipline.
If their son would do something like banging on the TV with
a toy, Ron would hit or yell at him. For Karen it was hard
in the beginning because she was so young, but she tried to
do the best she could. Every time the kids would cry she would
jump up to take care of them. "I didn't want to be like my
mother, beating the kids, leaving them in the crib all day,
not feeding or bathing them. I got a lot of moral support
from my family. They would help by showing me how to do things
like bathe the children." Karen remembers having problems
dealing with the children's behavior. "I used to yell at them
for every little thing."
Ron's childhood was very different from how
he's trying to raise his children today. "When I was a child,
if something went wrong, my sister and I were never put into
time out. We would just get hit with a belt, our father's
hand, or whatever." Ron's father used to criticize him, causing
him to have low self esteem. Although his father was verbally
and physically abusive, Ron feels that some of the things
his father did were good because they kept him out of trouble.
"My father made my sister and me attend church all the time.
I liked going to church if only to get away from the house."
Karen's mother was a drug addict and an alcoholic.
"DSS took me away from my mother when I was three years old and
I can't remember much of what happened before that. I just
go by what my older sister tells me." All she can remember
is being beaten and left alone in her crib all day.
Though Karen and Ron both wanted to do better
than their own parents, they didn't know how. Finally, things
got so bad that Ron and Karen's three children were removed from
their home. They learned about Parents Helping Parents when their
DSS caseworker suggested that they attend a parenting support
group.
The first meeting wasn't easy. Ron didn't
want to go. "Who do these people think they are, telling me
I don't know how to parent?" He didn't want to talk to anyone.
Karen was afraid to share her story because of what other
people would think. She was ashamed and embarrassed. The group
leader helped by letting them know that everything is confidential
and that no one puts anyone down. For a long time Karen used
to think that it was her fault that the children were taken
away from them. "After attending a few meetings we both opened
up. It brought out lots of feelings about the kids that we
had never expressed. We even shared some tears."
Ron and Karen both feel that their parenting
has changed. "We are giving each other more support with parenting
and other stressful situations like housing and finance problems.
What we learned from Parents Helping Parents, our group facilitators,
and the other Parents Helping Parents members has been a different
way to discipline our children." Ron has learned to share
his emotions. "I never talked about my personal life; I felt
it wasn't anyone's business."
Ron and Karen both feel that PHP helped them
get their children back after six months in foster care. Even
after their children came home, Ron and Karen continued
to attending their PHP group, getting support for their family
and giving support to others.
Sandy and Nathan met out in Arizona where they were both working at the local gas station/convenience
store. Nathan was from Springfield, and was attending
motorcycle school out there. Sandy was trying to come off
of drugs and alcohol and was working toward being reunited
with her two children who were in foster care. Sandy knew
her only chance of getting her kids back and to "get clean
and stay clean" was to leave the environment and the people
which fostered this life style. She left Arizona and came
to Massachusetts with Nathan.
In Massachusetts, Sandy looked up Parents
Helping Parents at the suggestion of her case worker in Arizona.
She joined the group. At first she was very angry and she
used group time to vent her anger. But she soon turned her
new situation into a positive step toward reunification with
her children. She used the group as a referral source for
finding more support services in the area. In the group she
found friends who would listen and not judge her for her past.
She also found a sense of connection to the Springfield community
and people to lean on who could relate to how she was feeling.
She received education from other parent members who would
offer her advice from their own experiences. She discovered
admirable qualities about herself that she never realized.
She became reunited with her estranged family in Texas who also rallied around her in support.
She was also quickly accepted by Nathan's large and widespread
family support system. Sandy began to open doors to the people
that she had previously shut out of her life. There were weeks when
Nathan would join Sandy in group, Nathan's sister and mother also came from time to time to help support Sandy in her efforts. To
help himself and Sandy, Nathan joined a father's group sponsored
by the MSPCC.
Eventually, Nathan and Sandy were married.
Sandy continued working with the State of Arizona to be reunited
with her children. Many Springfield-based
human service agencies and counselors who worked with
Sandy sent letters on her behalf to the State of Arizona.
Sandy put a lot of effort into turning her life around.
She has made great progress in a short time and she continues
to work on building a better life for herself and her family.
Nancy had been in counseling for awhile
but nothing seemed to be changing. She was still having control
problems with her children. When she got frustrated, she found
herself yelling, screaming, and hitting and nothing seemed
to help. Her counselor gave her PHP's number and suggested
that she call the next time she was in a crisis.
Nancy soon called PHP. The telephone
counselor listened and talked with Nancy until she was able
to calm down. "That really helped," says Nancy, "that experience
of talking to someone else who really seemed to understand
made me realize that talking with other parents could work
for me."
Nancy attended a PHP group for many years. She feels that the nurturing the facilitator gave to the group
was the key to the group's success. "She was like the mother
who wasn't around for a lot of us when we were kids," Nancy
say, "She gave us confidence that there were ways we could
help ourselves, and if we depended on each other and supported
each other we'd make it. Hugs were a really big part of the
group… That's what moms should do… but a lot of us missed out
on that… for us, the group took the place of family in our
lives. People can hug me when I'm down and I feel 20 feet
tall when I leave group."
The group and the facilitator taught Nancy
that she couldn't just make the anger go away, but that there
were other ways to handle it so that no one would get hurt.
One of the most valuable things Nancy's facilitator ever said
to her was "A loving mother keeps her child safe." To Nancy,
this meant that she could be a loving mother and still know
that there were times when it was safer for her children not
to be in the same room with her. The group also developed
a list of good things to say to kids, and Nancy posted it
on her refrigerator so she could remember it in times of stress.
Nancy talked with the group about taking care of herself,
too, by taking separate, personal time and doing nice things
for herself, like taking baths.
Later, despite many changes in the group
over the years, Nancy was still thrilled to be a part of PHP.
"I really did hate my kids for a long time. That anger … the
rage that you feel…is really scary. There's just no other
place (except PHP) where you could talk about that. I do still
get angry, but I handle it better now. It's nice to be able
to pass on some of the good stuff that I've learned to new
parents in the group. To help people feel okay with the terrible
feelings and get through them, that is the best thing I can
do in this life."
(This story was written several years ago. Nancy's
three older sons are now teenagers, and she has a younger daughter. She also has taken on a great many organizational leadership roles within PHP as a result of her membership in a group.)
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